WW 145: Mar., 1964, 25 pp. "The Phantom Sea-Beast!" This is labelled an Impossible Tale. Not only is it impossible, but 3/4 of it is a dream sequence and is so mostly out of continuity... or is it?
The entire WF, it turnrs out, sleep in the same bedroom. Guess they must have a small palace. Thank heavens Frederick Wertham isn't around.
WT awakes from a nightmare and starts to relate how she had dreamed she'd been out surfing and a whale gulped her down. Inside the whale, she found Mer-Mite. WT fights off sharks and swordfish and gets them out of the whale while Mer-Mite tries to trick her into marriage, the little twerp. You know, I've known guys like this stalker in training pants, who didn't understand the word "no" if it came from female lips. They need a lot of psychiatric help, a few months behind bars to smarten up or some solid punches where they'll do the most good -- but they'd probably get off on that. Sickos.
It is to WTot's credit that she never put up with any of Mer-Mite's shenanigans and always told him where to go -- unlike Wonder Girl, who eventually did whatever her suitors wanted. (Hm.) WW kept saying no, no, no, but she always came back to Stevie and Mer-Man, didn't she? Someone should have taken Diana and Donna both to a shrink to explain self-esteem. Hippolyta was always pining for her lost Theno, who from the little we saw of him, seemed to be honestly and innocently in love with her. But Hippy -- it's been a couple thousand years. Time to face reality and move on.
Where was I? Oh yes, WT had just gotten out of the whale. As WT surfs alone back to Paradise, she sees her family diving off a cliff and goes to meet them.
They practice acrobatic stunts, one of which I MUST show you. Not only is Diana surfing in heels, as she is wont to do, but WGirl conveniently wears a Wonder Woman tiara as she has never worn (she'll need it later in the story). The queen's pointy crown does not impale her daughter's head. And even more oddly, gravity does not affect Hippolyta's skirt. What can I say? It's just a dream.
Suddenly a phantom sea-beast, looking like the creature from the Black Lagoon, rears out of the ocean, disrupting their surf acrobatics. The WF tell WT to continue with the story, but that's when she woke up.
However, Hippy announces that her dream continues from there. However however, it is Wonder Girl who continues the story. Oops -- should have been more awake there, editor. Luckily Wonder Girl was wearing that one-time-only tiara because now she stretches it into a hoop that props the monster's jaws open, so they can't clamp down on them. But the sea beast has a tail and he knocks out the rest of the WF. WG wrestles with the beast but he mysteriously disappears like a phantom.
Amazons guards run to watch for the beast's return and as WGirl glides over the ocean searching, guess what happens as if it hasn't happened dozens of time before? Mer-Boy snatches her out of the air and drags her underwater thinking that this is a really romantic, manly overture. The two of them spot the sea beast and hide in a giant clam shell, but the beast picks up the clam shell and tries to crush it against some coral. What happens next? This is where WG woke up and now Hippy chimes in again (but this time correctly).
She had continued dreaming from this point on. Queen Hip had spotted the danger and gone to their rescue. The sea beast throws her against one of those ancient sunken ships that dot the ocean floor around Paradise. Hippy the sea beast with an anchor to make him the sea shell. The beast mysteriously disappears again and Hippy rescuces the two teenagers, leaving them on a tiny island outcropping. But the sea beast appears again and lifts the entire island. That is when Hip woke up.
Now everyone turns to Diana and asks how the dream ended, but Diana didn't dream! However, her leave is almost up and it's time for her to return to being Lt. Diana Prince. She hops in her plane, flies out over the ocean and then decides to turn back to help her family figure out the riddle of the dream. She returns just in time to find Hippy, WG and Mer-Boy on the island with the sea beast picking it up.
Diana hurls herself at the sea beast, knocking him into an undersea chasm and turns around only to see the island is starting to disappear. She grabs hold of the others and disappears too, caught in waves of time.
All four of them appear within a zoo cage in the far future and are confronted by giant bald men. These have projected them into the future because every time the men have tried to transport a prehistoric monster for their zoo, the WF has blocked them. (This has nothing to do with phantom sea-beasts or disconnected dreams, though, but that story is now ended.)
So they've decided they'll take Amazons instead of prehistoric animals. WW strikes a deal: she will go back in time and get a prehistoric specimen for them and the men will release her family back into their proper time. So she goes back in time and battles a tyranosaurus rex, but it throws off her magic lasso. Then she gets caught by a pterodactyl and fights a second one. She discovers a pterodactyl egg. Just as a flock of pterodactyls come after her, the egg cracks in her arms, the time ray activates, and Diana reappears in the future just in time for everyone to witness the birth of a baby pterodactyl. This pleases their captors enormously. The WF and Mer-Boy are all sent back home.
Of personal interest to me, the story ends right above an ad for The Adventures of Bob Hope and the first appearance of Harvard-Harvard, his talking dog. I loved Harvard-Harvard! If you want a good laugh, see if you can find some of those old Bob Hopes. I particularly liked the ones with his nephew, Super-Hip. They were corny but cute and extremely well drawn. (Bob Oksner art! Woo-woo!)
WW 147: July 1964, 25 pp. "Bird-Girl -- Fish-Girl!" This ish has absolutely zero editorial commentary labelling it as being an Impossible Tale even though WW's introduction claims it's a story of her as a teenager. You wish, Diana!
The story begins with Diana rushing out to her robot plane to get to Paradise, and also with Bird-Boy swooping low over the ocean in his effort to get there. But Mer-Boy jumps up and grabs him by the feet. Bird-Boy can't throw him off and the two fly over PI to watch. What are they watching? Athena herself in a really cool godly cloud form, arranges for WG to undergo her Amazon Test.
Wonder Girl's Amazon Test -- imagine that. This was what WG had been training so hard for all along in all these stories and now we get to see another step achieved in it. Athena calls a rainstorm and WG cannot allow a single drop of rain to fall on her. She runs with so much speed that the heat of her passage evaporates the rain before it can touch her.
Next Athena turns the rain into spears. She says, "Your second trial, WONDER GIRL -- is to parry this forest of spears so not one touches you without moving a step!" Well, actually if you want to get picky, WG does allow one to touch her because she grabs one and uses it to parry the others. Athena allows this.
Next, Athena turns the storm of spears into a storm of boulders. "Your last trial is to turn a 'molehill' into a 'mountain!'" WG socks the boulders into a heap, making a molehill, and the more boulders there are, the larger the heap becomes until it is indeed a mountain.
Athena praises her and dubs her a full-fledged Amazon. "And in celebration -- I will grant the first wish asked of me!"
"Instantly, TWO voices are heard as ONE!"
Bird-Boy: "Noble Athena! WONDER GIRL is really a BIRD-GIRL at heart! Turn her into one -- so she can roam the skies with ME!" Mer-Boy: "NO! She'd rather be a mermaid! And spend her time in the sea -- with ME!" Well technically if Mer-Boy were responding to Bird-Boy, the two voices wouldn't exactly have been heard at the same time. But Athena says she's honor-bound to grant both wishes and asks WG which one she would rather be with. WG says, "They're BOTH so cute, noble Athena, I -- I can't make up my mind --?" Athena: "Spoken like a woman, WONDER GIRL!"
So Athena makes her into a Bird-Girl and WG says goodbye to her family. Bird-Boy is so excited to see her in this state that he zooms after her, dropping Mer-Boy over the Amazon testing grounds. Luckily Diana catches Mer-Boy before any doom can befall the Amazons or him. Mer-Boy dejectedly watches the two birds leave even though Athena assures him that she will keep her word.
We see WG testing what it's like to be a Bird-Girl, but she's just too strong. She creates down-drafts that Bird-Boy can't withstand so he takes her home to meet his parents. His mother serves them a toasted worm pie, which WG quite impolitely refuses, leaving BB's mother in tears and his father angry. WG flies off but comes back at Bird-Boy's entreaties to visit the Pizza Bird Cage. But the pizza is filled with birdseed, and Bird-Boy has to explain to the rest of the gang that WG's just an Amazon, she's not used to good food.
WG flies off in a huff and is only brought back when Bird-Boy tells her that she can lead everyone in formation flight. Unfortunately, her flying causes such turbulence that everyone crashes into one another. WG leaves them only to discover that a giant sphinxy kind of guy is flying towards the bird teens with evil intent. WG grabs on to his neck and holds on until she forces him down into the ocean. It's all she can do to reach the surface before she'll drown.
She returns to the testing grounds, convinced that she's not meant to be a bird-girl. So Athena turns her into a mermaid and Diana takes both her and Mer-Boy to the ocean. WG practices and again causes turbulence to upset Mer-Boy. He takes her home to his parents and his mother serves sushi in a bun: raw fish frankfurters. Though Mer-Boy's mama doesn't dissolve into tears when WG makes retching gestures, she is highly insulted. Again, WG is subjected to a barrage of "She's just an Amazon" explanations.
Mer-Boy brings WG to the local spaghetti joint, but WG discovers the "pasta" is seaweed. and again Mer-Boy has to excuse her to his gang. They get her to return by letting her be the anchor in a game of tug of war. WG is so strong that everybody is thrown off-balance and when an undersea geiser expells a sea monster, it is up to WG to divert it from the mer-teens.
She pushes it back into the geiser and up into the air where the creature won't be able to breathe -- but neither will she. (Funny; Mer-Boy and his family have never had any problems with air before. Why should Mer-Wonder Girl?) She manages to make it back to Paradise Island.
Athena transforms her back into an Amazon and the boys are left hovering, still hoping for her affection. Athena gives a judgement: "BIRD-BOY'S and MER-BOY'S wish only proves that WONDER GIRL is a bird OUT of the sky -- and a fish OUT of the water -- unless she lives as an Amazon -- on LAND!"
A cool little issue!
WW 149: Oct., 1964. 24 pp. "The Last Day of the Amazons!" The Wonder Family, all sleeping in the same bedroom as usual, are awakened when a huge earthquake rips through Paradise. Diana has to save the others from falling into a chasm.
They look up from the ruins of their palace to see Athena over the island. She says that Hippolyta has doomed the Amazons. They run outside to find -- Prince Theno (!) running towards Hip. Hip's ancient love, Prince Theno...
He hugs her and tells her that they will always be together and their years of separation are over at last. Athena tells them that by allowing a man to set foot on Paradise they have broken her law and doomed themselves. Hippy claims that Theno was just a statue; she has no idea how he has become real.
Then Aphrodite appears. She's po'd because apparently Hippy has appealed to Athena in matters of love instead of to Aphrodite. Athena confirms this and says that Aphrodite has always been jealous of her rights. That Hip has to give her side of the story.
She recalls that long before the Amazons came to PI, she bad farewell to her prince Theno who was setting forth on a voyage of discovery. "But, my prince was lost at sea... time passed... savage warfare induced NOBLE ATHENA to move us to this secret island..." Hip is shown with the other Amazons arriving on PI. She is shown with a toddler who looks a lot like Wonder Tot in her arms, even though issue 105 showed us that Diana was a teenager when the Amazons arrived on PI. Perhaps this is someone else's child.
Time passed, the WF came along in full flower and Hippy saw her eldest daughter involved not only in her secret id but her costumed ID with Steve Trevor. We see an adventure in which Diana saves a rocket from crashing and exploding. Hippy mentions that Diana also had Merman and we see an adventure in which Diana saves Merman from a giant bird.
Then Hippy says that while she's still living her life mourning her lost love "everything seemed to remind me of my lonliness..." including watching WGirl with both Mer-Boy and Bird-Boy. We see an adventure in which WG has to get rid of an attacking whale as Bird-Boy and Mer-Boy stand by.
There was even a man in WT's life: we get an adventure with Mr. Genie and WT. Mr. Genie flies WT around outer space and bumps into Sputnik (which doesn't look much like Sputnik), and gets turned around and lost. WT has to use her lasso to lasso his nose and use as a rein to point him in the right direction back to Earth.
Now Hip recounts how she started to sculpt a statue of her lost Prince Theno, praying to Athena along the way to help her make it an exact replica. With the statue finished, she goes to sleep, unknowing that Aphrodite had heard her prayers and in a jealous snit, had brought the statue to life. Aprodite then informed Athena that there was a man on PI and it was all Queen Hip's fault.
Athena has no choice but to bring doom to the Amazons -- which apparently involves utterly destroying their island so they die as well -- unless Aphrodite will turn the prince back into stone. Aphrodite says she's moved by deeds and not tales so Hippy throws herself into a flaming cravasse, praying to Aphrodite that her deed will soften her heart to turn the prince back into stone and save the Amazons.
In a burst of suicidal energy, WGirl and WTot follow their mother. Diana grabs them all.
Aphrodite is not impressed. This, she says, is a feat of heroism and not of love. At this point, Prince Theno hurls himself into the flaming crevasse, calling his farewells and love to his queen as he falls. Before he is consumed, Aphrodite turns him back into stone and the doom is called off. The goddesses return to their realm after reconstructing Paradise to its original condition.
The Wonder daughters all assure Hippy that they will never leave her for men, and Hippy tells them that they must live their own lives the way everyone must. Her children have injustice to battle and startling adventures to experience. She'll just sit at home waiting to hear about them "just like... any other mother!"
WW 150: Nov,. 1964, 24 pp: "The Phantom Fisher-Bird!" Bird-Boy interrupts the Wonder Family one day, pulling WG away and then settling her down on a coral couch and asks for a kiss. They're interrupted with a splash as Mer-Boy cools off the party.
WG gets upset at their arguing and glides away, only to look back and see a giant octopus is threatening the unlucky duo. She uses her lasso to pull the octopus out of the ocean but the animal entangles her in it and then drags her below the water.
WG finds a catapult in a sunken ship that she uses to throw a boulder at the beast to get free. However, she's still tangled in her lasso. Phantom Fisher-Bird appears and dives after her. We don't know how Wonder Girl knows that it's a P F-B, but there it is: a giant bird with a human chest and arms.
It grabs her lasso and drags it to a nest. WG vibrates the metallic strands of the lasso against the rock and catches the nest on fire. P F-B disappears. WG returns to her boyfriends only to find them still arguing, not even noticing that she's been gone. Wonder Woman glides in and they all decide that Diana should decide who WG will go out with.
The ever-imaginative Diana proposes first a race in the sky, then a race underwater, causing alternate exclamations from the two suitors. Bird-Boy takes off in the first race and WG feels so sorry for Mer-Boy that she flashes away with such speed that the suction draws him behind her, causing him to reach the designated endpoint in a tie with Bird-Boy.
Next we have the underwater race and Mer-Boy takes off. Feeling sorry for Bird-Boy, WG hurls herself into the ocean with such speed that she creates a tunnel of air that Bird-Boy can easily maneuver within, again creating a tie.
Diana calls for a tug of war fishing-type contest in which either Mer-Boy has to pull Bird-Boy into the water or Bird-Boy pulls Mer-Boy into the air to win. Mer-Boy sees a hook lying in the water, thinks it's a trick, and it turns out that it doesn't belong to Bird-Boy after all, but the P F-B! Mer-Boy has been captured.
WG tells DIana to stay put and she'll rescue Mer-Boy. As she does so, the P F-B drags out a net and catches Bird-Boy in it. All three disappear when the P F-B disappears.
Having no clue to go on, Diana returns to the still-burning nest and discovers that it's a dimensional doorway. She finds herself on a world full of giant fishing bird kinda guys who are in a fishing contest of their own. They want to catch WW and win the prize. Instead WW grabs all their hooks and they fall into the sea.
One manages to capture and secure her in a net, but he and she are both captured by a larger bird kind of a person. Diana finds herself taken to a huge castle which is the eyrie of the King Fisher-Bird. There she finds that WG, Mer-Boy and Bird-Boy have all been glued to wall plaques in addition to the King's other plaques of dinosaur heads and flying fish and such. WW's captor declares that his prize is the mightiest Amazon of them all and thus he should be elected king.
The king attacks him. WW seizes the distraction to grab the three plaques and run, but the prisoners have been glued securely to them. (Wonder Glue?) The King emerges from the castle and tracks them down. WW picks up the three plaques and throws them at the king, knocking him temporarily unconscious. She finds the portal back to the real world and they all escape. The plaques disappear as they reappear into their normal dimension.
Wonder Queen, Wonder Tot, Wonder Girl and Wonder Woman -- heck, all these characters -- are copyrighted and/or trademarked in some fashion as well by DC Comics, Inc. Buy their comics!